Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
|NH Waterfall at the Big Eddy|
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I am in need of a kiss!
How I long for someone to bring me coffee I miss that more than anything I think. Some of these things you just take for granted. Sitting there and someone without asking just brings you a perfect cup of coffee damn I need that again its a tiny little action on someones part but it means more than any stupid ring. A text during the day to say I love you or how is your day going another tiny effortless thing that people take for granted these are really such huge things and most people overlook there importance or signifigance.
Don't waste your time on the big stuff its these little things you will miss the most when they are gone, like a long kiss out in the pouring rain!
Today I am going to court with a very good friend to get a restraining order against her husband. This is going to be very very weird and uncomfortable, way to many memories way to formiliar. Not looking forward to doing this but then who would. Sort of afraid of it triggering flashbacks again that would really suck. She is really getting a preamptive one so I should be fine. However it sort of pisses me off as I have a multitude of pictures and video proving what the x did to me and I tried to get one in this state and they said "no that would be preamptive as he is in another state, if he steps one foot in this state then we will give you one" ummm if he comes here it would be to late - what part of almost killed me do you not understand. Her husband not to belittle her situation and fears but he blocked her in a driveway at a store and she was issued a restraining order with no past history of abuse and to me that makes no sense after what I was told. The legal system is crazy my x can beat someone so bad they have to have their spleen removed and cause of his family only get a $100 fine.
Ah. Life is crazy this is why I need my moments of Zen. While the Goddess has always been part of my life it is Zen living/thinking that helped with the post traumic stress (cause the ptsd theropist sure didn't, I think they were actually making it worse). It is Zen living that cleared my head of the shame, guilt and self loathing that was created by my treatment from my x.
However I am still and always will be a child of the Moon, the Goddess I just found a way to combine the 2. This was not very hard as Zen is more a way of seeing things than a religion so I guess that makes me a Zen-Witch. The Moon, my Goddess she gave me my courage, Zen taught me what to do with it after I was done with it in those lonely quiet moments of to much thinking. Am I even making sense?
Ok I got to get out of bed and go do my yoga and get ready to hold my friends hand cause she is scared and she needs me.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
All my days run into each other lately. Work work work.
Well things I am pondering today.....
Why is it so hard for me to hate someone who does deserve hatred?
Unfortunately I believe that I can see past the evil deeds and words and see the sickness that lies within this person and while this may seem like a better way to be or think it accually pisses me off because they do not deserve my care or concern but they have it as anyone else would. But I guess that makes it all Zen and I can live with that but not stupidly and it does piss me off that I can't just hate. It might be the kinder more correct way to be but it just seems to leave something to be desired however I do believe in Karma.
Another thing I am pondering today is why is it that flannel jammies keep you nice and warm but when you get under the covers they stick to the sheets and end up leaving you wrapped up in a big very uncomfortable knot and then you struggle to free yourself from this mess of you and the covers and remove your jammies from being embedded in places they just don't belong the only thing you can do at this point is to take the nice warm flannel jammies off and throw them on the floor and go back to sleep naked and coldm. Dosent this defete the whole purpose of wearing the flannel jammies? Just sayin'.
Kiss the ones you love everyday and dance freely under the light of the moon at every possible chance you get! Blessed Be to all.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
at least its only a few seconds long.
This song makes me want to cry and right now I am relating way to much to this. It has been a good day that ended crappy. There is only so much one person can handle and right now I need a kick in the ass to remember how to live instead of run. I am not used to being alone and I still after 18 months I can't stand my days off cause I don't want to be home alone, I hate it. But at the same time I don't think I want someone here either I just need to find other people other "circles" to do things with, I move back up here to New England thinking I will have no problem finding other people to work with or classes or study or just hang out and no luck, oh damn I am being whiny on here I didn't want to do that, but damn I can't scream in silence for much longer.
Please don't get me wrong I am happy and I am very happy here, I just need some interaction with like minded people. I want to dance under the moon again, I want to say Merry Meet or Blessed Be and not get looks like I just jumped off the crazy train. I don't have my sense of community here I guess thats it. I used to teach magical craft classes and all that - I need a potluck supper with a circle!
On a brighter less whiny note I finally broke down and bought a winter coat today in Littleton, I like Littleton thought I might find some witchiness there, did find a store but thats it - I think that is very strange a store on its own - not unless there are people there to buy the stuff and there are always people there, so where are you all hiding??? Oh damn I am whining again.
Lets see x-husband I think has finally got it - talk to me like a human or leave me the fuck alone, one can only be texted or e-mailed "send me a picture of your big titties" so many times before you reach your want to puke limit. There is a reason you are my X-husband. So that shit is over so that is good. Got a coat that is good, talked to an old friend today another good, dropped my huge bowl of homemade pasta salad all over the floor that was not so good, LOL. Oh and ate Cracker Jacks and drank Coffee only thing missing is the Lucky Charms. (ok some of you might not get that - but I do and it makes me smile a big huge smile), so maybe it was not all that bad a day.
I did drive all the way to The Green House to go to Open Mike night and there were no seats and I was not standing in a bar all night by myself - sitting would have been fine but not standing. That did kinda suck cause I had to turn around and drive all the way back, but what the hell my car is great on gas. I have had it for 3 months and only had to put gas in it 3 times so far and I drive all over these mountains and drive down to Nashua too (thats a couple hours - but they have a Trader Joes' and my brother)
Oh hell I just need someone to go get a cup of coffee with!
Dunkins' anyone? Damn to late they are closed already!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
And I mention all this at 5:30AM because my sister is here, I can not seem to fall asleep, she is snoring away & now to top it off the alarm on her phone is going off & has been for the last ten minutes. So this would be such a lovely time to destress & focus on my Zen rocks but I might smash the phone with the very loud & fake sounding chirping frogs & crickets that is not waking her up but a rock might. Oh I guess thats not very Zen of me but I am a Witch not Buddhist, LOL
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
It goes right along with my Poetry of Life post!!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Like me bummer sticker (well window sticker)? Its one of those you either get or you don't. Lol. Who gets it, do you?
I am hungry too. Arg I need to sleep not type mindless rambling that no one cares about on this teeny tiny phone keypad. Ok I am gonna stop rambling and try to sleep. lol no really that was not a joke, no seriously I am. Trying anyway!
Friday, September 24, 2010
But on a better note I got my Hippie Hat back after a year without it!!! Very happy!!! Ok OK enough about the hat!
probably won't get much posted until sunday - sorry!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
(they sing a short song first called Sometimes it fades into Seasons of Wither and this is the best preformance I have seen them do of this beautiful song)
This song always comforts me for whatever reason??
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Will be making homemade whipped cream first!!!
I am starving right now but don't know what I want to eat - well mainly cause I don't feel like cooking anything else.
So when in doubt of what to eat forget about eating you must not really be hungry - do some Yoga!
And why is there a woman trying to beat the world record for rubbing hot chillies in her eyes on my TV (BBC one of Gordon Ramseys shows) and more importantly WHY is there a world record for rubbing chillies into your eyes? Who does thinks .. hmmmmm I need my 15 minutes of fame I think I will rub hot peppers in my eyes!
Why do I have so much to write and say today and no time to write any of it! Just time to ramble!
So where did that coffee come from?
In swirling cloak of crimson,
of burnt orange and saffron,
You ride the winds of morning.
The scent of burning leaves fills the air;
the Second Harvest draws near.
Solitary once again You embody balance -
You are an archetype of the Self -
I long to follow as You seek the
with never a thought to the cost.
You are the bright flame of morning,
impelling and unrestrained.
Bless me with Your passion."
- Galen Gillotte
With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit
And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe;
And all the daughters of the year shall dance,
Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers. "- William Blake
Dawn and dusk abreast now ride
darkness, brightness, calm and storms.
The hand that holds the scythe transforms.
I vow this wisdom shall be my own:
poise will let my power be known.
From balance the Wheel now turns toward the deep.
Through Winter, by vow and faith, I'll keep."Ashleen O'Gaea
Monday, September 20, 2010
Morning around here is Coffee, computer, Cat Stevens (today, it was Kate Bush yesterday), Postcards and Yoga.
And my damn coffee is cold, I am soooo procrastinating this morning. I need to write my postcards to my aunt, it makes her very happy to get a few postcards everyday from me and I only got one sent last week cause I was moving all my stuff around now I have to make up for it!! I don't feel like it right now!
I have to leave for work in an hour and a half, I have not even done my Yoga for the morning! Bad Me! Got to go get some hot coffee!
Need to check out The Unknown Death Crones (not unknown to me LOL- luv ya Nix) blog since I posted a reply on there bitching about the organization of Wicca might have started a witch war, oops! And why does everyone ASSUME you are Wiccan if you believe/worship a Goddess/Moon, that has always bothered me. I am not Wiccan, I do agree with many of their beliefs but not all, and I have issues with the duality and that is a huge part of Wiccan so don't call me Wiccan, please!! ARG - get off soapbox its to early for this! ok back to hot coffee and Yoga - this is not the best combination either. I think I will finish this discussion later tonight when I get out of work!
Ok rambled on enough now I have to get going running very late this morning!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Hmmmm ... Moments of Pleasure.....What are some of mine?
The purr of a cat snuggled up with you
The smell of the fresh rain
Dancing under the Full Moon
The touch of a loving man as he reaches for your hand
Swimming in the ocean at night
The smile of the Full Moon as she looks down on you
Waffles/Pancakes with real maple syrup
Cat Stevens in the morning with a good cup of coffee
Ferret whiskers tickling your nose
Peanut Butter & Fluff sandwiches (ok admittedly I am eating one right now)
A good long kiss in the pouring rain!!
Bonfires (and marshmellows)
The smell of a fresh Yule/christmas tree
Having all your bills paid & having enough extra to buy a book or cd after putting some in savings!
The smell of the heat when it first comes on
The smell of a house heated by a fireplace
Actually getting something done on my day off
The sun popping through the clouds on a cloudy day
The smell of the ocean
Riding a horse
Morning coffee with someone you love
Finding something you thought was lost forever
Feeling a past moment from long ago
Finding an old friend
Maple Sugar cotton candy
Where ever it is that the scent of Patchouli oil sends me
That warm feeling - you know the one
The first time you get to open the windows after winter
The first snowfall
Playing in the snow
Listening to the song "The Crystal Ship"
Any time I get to spend with my Uncle Noel
Remembering Joe's sock obsession
Watching the leaves change
Seeing a bear walk into the woods
Sitting by a river
Listening to someone from Southie talk (south Boston)
Sitting down by the Mummies in the MFA
Realizing you might not be happy but you ARE content
Listening to your mothers voice saved on the answering machine
The smells of Autumn
Well I guess thats enough for now ;-)
So tell me some of yours!!!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
She listens, she learns
She learns what not to do.
She sits, she gets wounded
She listens, she begs
She learns he does not hear.
She sits, she obeys
She listens, she cries
She learns she does not matter.
She sits, she bruises
She listens, she stuffs it down inside
She learns he does not love her.
She sits, she bleeds
She listens, she hears her silence
She learns he feels no guilt.
She sits, she is not safe
She listens, she begs again
She learns he does not care.
She sits, she thinks
She listens, she hears her thoughts
She learns she has the power.
She sits, she speaks
She listens, she tells him to leave
She learns she has strength.
She sits, she is lonely
She listens, she remembers
She learns to be herself.
She sits, she smiles
She listens, she hears music
She learns she is happy.
She sits, she wonders
She listens, she chooses
She learns she makes her destiny.
She sits, she breathes
She listens, she is relaxed
She relizes she is now free.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
begining posts Joe was my husand of 15 years - he is commonly refered to as the good husband!)
"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first."
— Jim Morrison
Saturday, September 11, 2010
However I must add that I am liking what it is looking like and the space created for my art is fabulous!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sleep, one of the great gifts of life that most of us take for granted. There are so many things in life that we don't stop to enjoy or even notice. Things that are vital to our core beings that we just over look because they are constant and ever present. Take time to realize some of these things and your mind will expand to new horizons.
Ok, I guess its another sleepless night for me. I am just giving up and getting my ass up out of this bed and make me some pancakes!!
Monday, September 6, 2010
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The 60s were full of them and many of them spilled right in to the 70s. Artists, Poets, People with a real message and/or cause tortured souls but poets of life and poets of the soul no less.
There was some hope of this return to poetry in the 90s with Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder but as with Morrison, Kurts inner fire burned him out and off to calmer places, I can see the 2 of them cruising through the desert together through the night haunting other lost souls. And as for Eddie Vedder well I don't know what happened there. The poetry of what becomes your life is a hard thing to survive if you are a true poet of life. Living life of pure thought and passion, its not something most of them can give up, death would be better than giving up.
Is it that the world would not except these poets of life now? Would we call them terrorists of the mind? Not all these poets of life had a cause or a point at all beyond a command from within to be true to their art and/or themselves. But they were poets and artists of this thing we call life, giving there all and some of them their lives for art or a true cause. I want my poets of life back, where have they gone?
Is it that there have been 3 decades of drab chickens born, no I don't believe that. Hmmmm..... 3 decades of people glued to their chairs staring at a an electrified box of some kind or another could that be it? .......
There will be more on this topic but I must get ready for work...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
|This is where I work|
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Now that was cool the chair even gave me a good message! I will be doing that again! Or maybe a real message, not used to caring about me and how I feel, its a nice but strange change. Look out Diane we might have to pamper ourselves on a regular basis! Just tell your hubby its so you will look good for him! YUP thats it.
At the laundry-mat, just so you know it is 3 walls of huge windows and no air conditioning. It's like being in a big oven!! I have sweat rolling down my head. Yuck!
All this for clean clothes for work, well I guess its better than wearing dirty clothes that smell like meat, yup the vegetarian slices meat for a living. How ironic is that?
Sometimes you just have to laugh at what life hands you, live it and be it! Thats Zen!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
|Foolish Behaving X-husband Restraint|
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Its my birthday well was my birthday, had nothing to do so I drove all the way across 2 states to go to Portlandhead Light house then to eat lobster dinner after. I owe some serious Karma for my meal of death. got home after midnight. Pretty sucky Bday but what the hell I got some cool ocean and lighthouse picture is a storm and I got to eat 2 lobsters and steamers! OK I took one crustation buddy home with me. Going to watch a movie on NetFlix hmmmmm what should I watch? Well since I watched all of Weeds already I will go with another of the DeZpiX Dead Like Me. My pic for the night would be "What Lies Beneath" with Harrson Ford and Michelle Phiffer (sp) great movie if you have not seen this movie you need to its great! Okz off to watch a movie.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Ok So WHY Steven Tyler or HOW?