Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A morning in need of some Zen and a kiss

Well I am wide awake but don't want to get out of bed.

 I am in need of a kiss!

 How I long for someone to bring me coffee I miss that more than anything I think. Some of these things you just take for granted. Sitting there and someone without asking just brings you a perfect cup of coffee damn I need that again its a tiny little action on someones part but it means more than any stupid ring. A text during the day to say I love you or how is your day going another tiny effortless thing that people take for granted these are really such huge things and most people overlook there importance or signifigance.
Don't waste your time on the big stuff its these little things you will miss the most when they are gone, like a long kiss out in the pouring rain!

 Today I am going to court with a very good friend to get a restraining order against her husband. This is going to be very very weird and uncomfortable, way to many memories way to formiliar. Not looking forward to doing this but then who would. Sort of afraid of it triggering flashbacks again that would really suck. She is really getting a preamptive one so I should be fine. However it sort of pisses me off as I have a multitude of pictures and video proving what the x did to me and I tried to get one in this state and they said "no that would be preamptive as he is in another state, if he steps one foot in this state then we will give you one" ummm if he comes here it would be to late - what part of almost killed me do you not understand. Her husband not to belittle her situation and fears but he blocked her in a driveway at a store and she was issued a restraining order with no past history of abuse and to me that makes no sense after what I was told. The legal system is crazy my x can beat someone so bad they have to have their spleen removed and cause of his family only get a $100 fine.

Ah. Life is crazy this is why I need my moments of Zen. While the Goddess has always been part of my life it is Zen living/thinking that helped with the post traumic stress (cause the ptsd theropist sure didn't, I think they were actually making it worse). It is Zen living that cleared my head of the shame, guilt and self loathing that was created by my treatment from my x.
However I am still and always will be a child of the Moon, the Goddess I just found a way to combine the 2. This was not very hard as Zen is more a way of seeing things than a religion so I guess that makes me a Zen-Witch. The Moon, my Goddess she gave me my courage, Zen taught me what to do with it after I was done with it in those lonely quiet moments of to much thinking. Am I even making sense?

 Ok I got to get out of bed and go do my yoga and get ready to hold my friends hand cause she is scared and she needs me.

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