Saturday, June 25, 2011

I am so friggin confused!!!

Since leaving and divorcing the sorry excuse for a man that tried to kill me, things aren't working so good I don't think.  I am so un able to trust a man in any way that I catch myself trying to self sabotage anything I do feel.  I have no clue what I am doing Chris made everything so screwed up, I want to be able to feel love again.
Chris you didn't just leave bruises, black eyes and broken bones - you also left broken dreams, broken spirit and a broken heart unable to feel or accept love.  Your beatings beat down my heart and soul.  I thought the damages you inflicted were healed including the mental strife but now I see and know there are bigger and badder  damages lingering in my heart and mind caused by you. 

   I am left feeling so confused, do I just ignore my lack of emotional connection and hope it passes or just give in to the damage caused and not waste anyones time with my hollow emptiness??

Hell no eventually I will meet someone that just clicks, someone that makes me feel someone that feels the music and feels the music that is life.  They are there - we may be few and far between but I refuse to give up - if I do give up then Chris wins - he took enough from me I will not give him this satisfaction!