Friday, October 22, 2010
|NH Waterfall at the Big Eddy|
It was snowing a little earlier!! You can see the snow on the top of some of the other mountains around me but nothing on the ground here yet.
Things I am pondering ..... Why does a man ask your friend for your phone # yet never call - that is just stupid!! Why bother ??? Wasted effort.
I need more coffee - I was bad this morning I never eat in the morning but today I started my day with Trader Joes Wintery Blend coffee (yummy - I suggest this coffee to everyone - it kicks ass full of bold spices and more) and Cracker Jacks yes I ate a whole bag of Cracker Jacks while I sat here at this computer with my coffee. Now I am going to eat all day - that why I never eat in the morning it starts a all day feeding freindzy!!
Ok sorry this is so short but I am gonna be late for work and I NEED to do my yoga!!!! Why is it that Good habits are so hard to form!! Why after months of doing yoga at least 1 or 2 times a day must I still force myself to do it. I love yoga and it makes me feel great so what is the problem??? Any suggestions??
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I am in need of a kiss!
How I long for someone to bring me coffee I miss that more than anything I think. Some of these things you just take for granted. Sitting there and someone without asking just brings you a perfect cup of coffee damn I need that again its a tiny little action on someones part but it means more than any stupid ring. A text during the day to say I love you or how is your day going another tiny effortless thing that people take for granted these are really such huge things and most people overlook there importance or signifigance.
Don't waste your time on the big stuff its these little things you will miss the most when they are gone, like a long kiss out in the pouring rain!
Today I am going to court with a very good friend to get a restraining order against her husband. This is going to be very very weird and uncomfortable, way to many memories way to formiliar. Not looking forward to doing this but then who would. Sort of afraid of it triggering flashbacks again that would really suck. She is really getting a preamptive one so I should be fine. However it sort of pisses me off as I have a multitude of pictures and video proving what the x did to me and I tried to get one in this state and they said "no that would be preamptive as he is in another state, if he steps one foot in this state then we will give you one" ummm if he comes here it would be to late - what part of almost killed me do you not understand. Her husband not to belittle her situation and fears but he blocked her in a driveway at a store and she was issued a restraining order with no past history of abuse and to me that makes no sense after what I was told. The legal system is crazy my x can beat someone so bad they have to have their spleen removed and cause of his family only get a $100 fine.
Ah. Life is crazy this is why I need my moments of Zen. While the Goddess has always been part of my life it is Zen living/thinking that helped with the post traumic stress (cause the ptsd theropist sure didn't, I think they were actually making it worse). It is Zen living that cleared my head of the shame, guilt and self loathing that was created by my treatment from my x.
However I am still and always will be a child of the Moon, the Goddess I just found a way to combine the 2. This was not very hard as Zen is more a way of seeing things than a religion so I guess that makes me a Zen-Witch. The Moon, my Goddess she gave me my courage, Zen taught me what to do with it after I was done with it in those lonely quiet moments of to much thinking. Am I even making sense?
Ok I got to get out of bed and go do my yoga and get ready to hold my friends hand cause she is scared and she needs me.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
All my days run into each other lately. Work work work.
Well things I am pondering today.....
Why is it so hard for me to hate someone who does deserve hatred?
Unfortunately I believe that I can see past the evil deeds and words and see the sickness that lies within this person and while this may seem like a better way to be or think it accually pisses me off because they do not deserve my care or concern but they have it as anyone else would. But I guess that makes it all Zen and I can live with that but not stupidly and it does piss me off that I can't just hate. It might be the kinder more correct way to be but it just seems to leave something to be desired however I do believe in Karma.
Another thing I am pondering today is why is it that flannel jammies keep you nice and warm but when you get under the covers they stick to the sheets and end up leaving you wrapped up in a big very uncomfortable knot and then you struggle to free yourself from this mess of you and the covers and remove your jammies from being embedded in places they just don't belong the only thing you can do at this point is to take the nice warm flannel jammies off and throw them on the floor and go back to sleep naked and coldm. Dosent this defete the whole purpose of wearing the flannel jammies? Just sayin'.
Kiss the ones you love everyday and dance freely under the light of the moon at every possible chance you get! Blessed Be to all.