A morning in need of some Zen and a kiss

Well I am wide awake but don't want to get out of bed.

 I am in need of a kiss!

 How I long for someone to bring me coffee I miss that more than anything I think. Some of these things you just take for granted. Sitting there and someone without asking just brings you a perfect cup of coffee damn I need that again its a tiny little action on someones part but it means more than any stupid ring. A text during the day to say I love you or how is your day going another tiny effortless thing that people take for granted these are really such huge things and most people overlook there importance or signifigance.
Don't waste your time on the big stuff its these little things you will miss the most when they are gone, like a long kiss out in the pouring rain!

 Today I am going to court with a very good friend to get a restraining order against her husband. This is going to be very very weird and uncomfortable, way to many memories way to formiliar. Not looking forward to doing this but then who would. Sort of afraid of it triggering flashbacks again that would really suck. She is really getting a preamptive one so I should be fine. However it sort of pisses me off as I have a multitude of pictures and video proving what the x did to me and I tried to get one in this state and they said "no that would be preamptive as he is in another state, if he steps one foot in this state then we will give you one" ummm if he comes here it would be to late - what part of almost killed me do you not understand. Her husband not to belittle her situation and fears but he blocked her in a driveway at a store and she was issued a restraining order with no past history of abuse and to me that makes no sense after what I was told. The legal system is crazy my x can beat someone so bad they have to have their spleen removed and cause of his family only get a $100 fine.

Ah. Life is crazy this is why I need my moments of Zen. While the Goddess has always been part of my life it is Zen living/thinking that helped with the post traumic stress (cause the ptsd theropist sure didn't, I think they were actually making it worse). It is Zen living that cleared my head of the shame, guilt and self loathing that was created by my treatment from my x.
However I am still and always will be a child of the Moon, the Goddess I just found a way to combine the 2. This was not very hard as Zen is more a way of seeing things than a religion so I guess that makes me a Zen-Witch. The Moon, my Goddess she gave me my courage, Zen taught me what to do with it after I was done with it in those lonely quiet moments of to much thinking. Am I even making sense?

 Ok I got to get out of bed and go do my yoga and get ready to hold my friends hand cause she is scared and she needs me.

Morning Zen

Well this was yestardays or was it todays Zen rock pile.
 All my days run into each other lately. Work work work.

 Well things I am pondering today.....
 Why is it so hard for me to hate someone who does deserve hatred?
 Unfortunately I believe that I can see past the evil deeds and words and see the sickness that lies within this person and while this may seem like a better way to be or think it accually pisses me off because they do not deserve my care or concern but they have it as anyone else would. But I guess that makes it all Zen and I can live with that but not stupidly and it does piss me off that I can't just hate. It might be the kinder more correct way to be but it just seems to leave something to be desired however I do believe in Karma.

 Another thing I am pondering today is why is it that flannel jammies keep you nice and warm but when you get under the covers they stick to the sheets and end up leaving you wrapped up in a big very uncomfortable knot and then you struggle to free yourself from this mess of you and the covers and remove your jammies from being embedded in places they just don't belong the only thing you can do at this point is to take the nice warm flannel jammies off and throw them on the floor and go back to sleep naked and coldm. Dosent this defete the whole purpose of wearing the flannel jammies? Just sayin'.

 Kiss the ones you love everyday and dance freely under the light of the moon at every possible chance you get! Blessed Be to all.

Aerosmith - You See Me Crying

This is such a beautiful song I wish they did not put that stupid intro on there -
at least its only a few seconds long.

This song makes me want to cry and right now I am relating way to much to this.  It has been a good day that ended crappy.  There is only so much one person can handle and right now I need a kick in the ass to remember how to live instead of run.  I am not used to being alone and I still after 18 months I can't stand my days off cause I don't want to be home alone, I hate it. But at the same time I don't think I want someone here either I just need to find other people other "circles" to do things with, I move back up here to New England thinking I will have no problem finding other people to work with or classes or study or just hang out and no luck, oh damn I am being whiny on here I didn't want to do that, but damn I can't scream in silence for much longer.

Please don't get me wrong I am happy and I am very happy here, I just need some interaction with like minded people.  I want to dance under the moon again, I want to say Merry Meet or Blessed Be and not get looks like I just jumped off the crazy train.  I don't have my sense of community here I guess thats it.  I used to teach magical craft classes and all that - I need a potluck supper with a circle!

On a brighter less whiny note I finally broke down and bought a winter coat today in Littleton, I like Littleton thought I might find some witchiness there, did find a store but thats it - I think that is very strange a store on its own - not unless there are people there to buy the stuff and there are always people there, so where are you all hiding???  Oh damn I am whining again.

Lets see x-husband I think has finally got it - talk to me like a human or leave me the fuck alone, one can only be texted or e-mailed "send me a picture of your big titties" so many times before you reach your want to puke limit.  There is a reason you are my X-husband.  So that shit is over so that is good.  Got a coat that is good, talked to an old friend today another good, dropped my huge bowl of homemade pasta salad all over the floor that was not so good, LOL.  Oh and ate Cracker Jacks and drank Coffee only thing missing is the Lucky Charms.  (ok some of you might not get that - but I do and it makes me smile a big huge smile),  so maybe it was not all that bad a day.

I did drive all the way to The Green House to go to Open Mike night and there were no seats and I was not standing in a bar all night by myself - sitting would have been fine but not standing.  That did kinda suck cause I had to turn around and drive all the way back, but what the hell my car is great on gas.  I have had it for 3 months and only had to put gas in it 3 times so far and I drive all over these mountains and drive down to Nashua too (thats a couple hours - but they have a Trader Joes' and my brother)

Oh hell I just need someone to go get a cup of coffee with!
Dunkins' anyone?  Damn to late they are closed already!

The Life of the Witch

I Love this one! It makes me feel very strong and empowered!

And most importantly it makes me feel at peace!

The Doors - I looked at you

This one REALLY has some great video clips and pictures!!!

View out my window last week!

This is the view out my back window - out the front I see the NH Mountains when these leaves are all gone I will see the Mountains of Vt and the Connecticut River 

The Power from with in

From beneath me arises the energy of the Earth, my home and my foundation.

From above me pours down the light of the Sun and the enchanting Moon.

To my right hand flows the strength to control and direct, the power of magic.

To my left hand comes the skill to divine and to heal, the source of blessing.